


Colorful

by VanillaKiss



Category: BTOB
Genre: Colors, Fluff, M/M, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 10:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18259067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanillaKiss/pseuds/VanillaKiss
Summary: What would you do if you were born without the ability to see colors? Everything would be black and white like the old movies. Wouldn’t it be sad not seeing any colors? Would you miss them? Or can we call it “missing”? Can you miss something that had never been yours? Would you think that you’re less and you’re lacking compared to the others? Would you be jealous? Would you want more?Or would you just live your life normally like the others?Ilhoon never saw any colors.





	Colorful

**Author's Note:**

> for day4 of iljaeweekmarch19

What would you do if you were born without the ability to see colors? Everything would be black and white like the old movies. Wouldn’t it be sad not seeing any colors? Would you miss them? Or can we call it “missing”? Can you miss something that had never been yours? Would you think that you’re less and you’re lacking compared to the others? Would you be jealous? Would you want more?

Or would you just live your life normally like the others?

Ilhoon never saw any colors. He was born like this but his parents notice it only when he was around two. The doctors couldn’t do anything so he didn’t have any other choice just live his life like everyone else.

When he was little, he thought he was special. As he grew up, this mindset changed and started feeling like he’s some outsider or a strange creature. His classmates either bullier or pitied him. 

Sometimes he wondered what colors are like. It was so weird knowing their names but not knowing how do they look like. Blue sky, red wine, green grass, yellow walls. He knew what did these words mean but he couldn’t attach great importance to them. Colors were just words to him, nothing less nothing more.

But despite this, he was now sitting in a coffee shop, a coloring book on the table. He wanted to color the pictures but he didn’t buy any colored pencils. He wanted to, but he after staring and them for a few minutes, he changes his mind in his frustration and didn’t buy anything.

“Hi,” a tall boy stopped by his table. Ilhoon noticed him before. He always came with two girls who were probably his friends. They were regulars just like Ilhoon who spent almost every day there. 

“Hi,” Ilhoon replied, closing his coloring book. He felt embarrassed. Probably not anyone can see an almost twenty years old boy with a coloring book in a public place. Now he actually felt thankful for not buying those pencils.

“I noticed you didn’t bring pencils so here.” The boy handed him a box of pencils. “My friend,” he pointed at one of the girls, “said she didn’t need them today so you can have.”

“Ah, thank you.” Ilhoon’s cheeks were burning. He knew people turn red if they’re embarrassed so he thought maybe that’s what he looked like now. Red. Not like he knows what red looked like. “I can’t accept it. It’s… When can I give it back?”

“Tomorrow?” The boy smiled. Ilhoon wished he could see colors. “Yook Sungjae.”

“Jung Ilhoon.”

“Ilhoon,” he nodded. “See you tomorrow,” Sungjae said and left.

 

“Sungjae,” his friend, Boyoung looked at him angrily. “You said you needed my pencils for today, but I thought you meant you, like literally you, but you just gave them to a stranger.”

“Sorry,” Sungjae said while leaving the coffee shop. 

“It’s not like he can use them, anyway,” his other friend, Jihye said. “He can’t see colors.”

Hearing that, both Sungjae and Boyoung tuned their head to the girl between them. 

“Wait, is it him?” Boyoung whispered.

“Yes. I know his friend. Same major,” she said, looking at the ground. 

“What do you mean he can’t see colors?” Sungjae was utterly shocked.

“He was born like this. He sees everything in black and white.” Boyoung answers with a serious tone.

Sungjae looked back to the boy. He could see him through the shop window. He was still sitting there, a pencil in his hand. “Do you think I shouldn’t have given them to him? I didn’t want to be an asshole or insensitive or something.” 

“I don’t think he thought of you like this. You just lend him some pencils, you treated him normally.”

 

Sungjae went back to the coffee shop later that day. He wasn’t sure what was the reason. Was he curious? Did he want to apologize? Maybe both.

Ilhoon was still there, reading a book. The coloring book wasn’t on the table anymore. Sungjae ordered a coffee and walked to his table, hoping the other boy won’t be annoyed or something. 

“Hi,” he smiled.

“Oh? Did you come for the pencils?” Ilhoon put down his book and was about to give back the pencils when Sungjae stopped him.

“No, I just…” He hesitated. “I just wanted to say sorry.”

“No, please, just don’t say sorry.” The brightness in Ilhoon’s eyes disappeared. “Look, thank you for this,” he pointed at the box full of pencils, “but I can’t use them.”

“Should I help you?” He offered suddenly. “I can help you with the colors. Just ask me and I tell you which color it is.”

“It won’t help.” 

“But why?” Sungjae was persistent. 

“It won’t change anything. You can tell me this pencil is red,” he picked up a pencil, “I still won’t know what red is.”

“That’s… That’s actually yellow.” Sungjae said, not looking at Ilhoon.

Ilhoon’s eyes widened and turned his head to the other direction. “It’s difficult. You can’t understand it.”

Sungjae looked at the boy with sad eyes. He didn’t know how but he wanted to help. He couldn’t imagine what is it like to live in a colorless world. It’s so natural to people that everything has colors that most of the times they didn’t even notice it. It’s just the part of their everyday life. They’re there and that’s all. But in a colorless world, everything is the same. 

“I can explain them to you,” Sungjae said hesitantly, but when he noticed that Ilhoon glanced at him, he added “I’ll show you how colorful our world is,” with a more confident tone.

Ilhoon swore he could see everything in colors at the moment. Sungjae was the first person who said this to him. Others usually accepted and helped him when he needed it. For example, when he was buying clothes, his mother or friend would tell him if that color suits him or not. But no one wanted to show him it.

Those words hold so many promises in them and it made him both excited and scared. He always told everyone he was okay without colors and he actually believed those words, but now, when someone offered him to show the colors, he realized he desired it all along, deep inside.

“What do you say? Do you want me to show it?” Sungjae asked, waiting for approval.

Ilhoon nodded slowly. He still wasn’t so sure.

“Let me find out how should we do it,” Sungjae looked around. He didn’t have any plan yet. “What about sunset? Let me show you how the colors of the sunset look like.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, but I have to go back before it,” Ilhoon said. “My vision isn’t the best in the dark, so…”

“I see. I can take you home.”

Ilhoon blinks once, twice. He didn’t know what to say.

“Please?”

“Why do you want to help me?”

“I… I won’t deny and you probably know. I feel sorry for you. I think you deserve to see them as well. Colors.”

Ilhoon hummed. “What’s your favorite color?”

“My favorite color?” Sungjae wondered. He didn’t have any. Or? Many people just say the first color that comes to their mind. He usually said blue but was it really his favorite color? He looked at Ilhoon who was waiting for his answer. He didn’t want to disappoint him or lie to him and just say a color. He wanted to be honest. “Red. I like red.”

“Red. I see.” Ilhoon fell silent. 

Sungjae didn’t say anything either. He saw Ilhoon was deep in thoughts, maybe preparing more questions.  
“Why do you like it?” he asked after a few minutes.

Sungjae looked at his jacket. It was red. “I don’t know. It’s passionate, vivid, energetic. It’s like a passionate love.”

“I’ve never felt passionate love,” Ilhoon frowned.

“Me neither. But if I would ever feel it, I would give it the color red.”

“Santa Claus’s clothes are red. And he might be passionate in his work, I always thought red as a seductive color,” Ilhoon said, getting more and more excited.

“It is, I think? Most people think of it as seductive.” Sungjae nodded. “My jacket is red too.” He showed said jacket to Ilhoon. “Does this help somehow?”

“No, but from now on when I’ll hear the word red, I’ll immediately think of you.”

“Well, that’s something as well.”

“No, but please, continue,” Ilhoon said, leaning closer. “I liked how you talked about red. It was passionate.”

“Wait, I know!” He let out a chuckle. “Maybe we should use your other senses.”

Ilhoon tilted his head. “And you’ll kiss me passionately?” 

Sungjae chocked on air and started coughing. “No, I mean, if you want to, but I thought about something like toughing or hearing.”

“Well, you know better than me.”

“I don’t.”

“Then how do you want me to show how colorful our word is?” Ilhoon said with a smug smile.

“Shh! I’m trying my best.” Sungjae whined. “Red is hot.”

“Hot?” Ilhoon raised his eyebrows.

“Yes. It’s like a fire or candle flame. If you feel embarrassed, your cheeks turn red. Or if you have a sunburn, your skin turns red. Red is like heat. It’s hot, it burns you. Spicy food reminds me of red as well. It burns the inside of your mouth, right? And you can feel the heat.” He stopped for a second to think of more similes. “Strawberries are red. Cherries as well. So it’s sweet as well.”

“So red is intense, right?” Ilhoon asked, insecurity painting his voice.

“Yes, that’s the word I was looking for.” Sungjae laughed and scratched the back of his head. “It’s the color of sexual excitement, anger or even danger. Roses are red as well. Or not just red, there are other colors as well, but I think it’s the most popular.”

“Okay, I’ve never thought I would say this, but I know what red is now? I mean not just that there is red, but I can imagine how red looks like. If that makes sense.” Ilhoon said, staring at Sungjae’s jacket.  
“It does!” Sungjae reassured him. “I’m glad this helped.”

“Do you still want to watch the sunset?” Ilhoon asked.

“Of course!”

They went to a close park and just sat there in silence, watching the sunset. It was disgustingly romantic and weird but they didn’t mention it. Ilhoon told him what was it like to grow up without seeing any colors and Sungjae told him what was it like to grow up with being able to see them. They spend almost three hours in the park and when he said goodbye, Ilhoon’s hand on the doorknob, Sungjae smiling softly, Ilhoon could swear, the second time of that days, he saw colors.

 

“How would you describe blue?” Sungjae was lying on his bed, glaring at the ceiling.

“What?” Boyoung looked up from the book he was reading. “Why do you want to describe it?” She pocked Jihye’s arm and gave her a knowing look.

“Is it because of that guy?” Jihye asked curiously. “Do you want to talk to him again?”

“I did, to be honest. Again. On that day.”

“What?!” Both of them were surprised. 

“I went back and maybe told him I wanted to show him how colorful our world is,” Sungjae said, embarrassed. “We talked about red. And exchanged number.”

“Wow, that’s disgusting but cute, I’m gonna throw up,” Boyoung laughed. 

“Maybe it’s better if we just start talking about a certain color randomly? I think I was pretty good when I described red to him.” A proud smile appeared on his face. “We’re meeting tomorrow, by the way.” He pointed at his desk. “I bought him colored pencils. I’m gonna number them and he’ll know which pencil is which color.”

“That’s actually pretty smart of you,” Jihye said appreciatively. 

“Thank you. I hope he’ll like it.”

 

He did. When Sungjae gave him the pencils and told him his idea, Ilhoon’s eyes started shining excitedly. They decided to number the pencils together. Sungjae’s favorite color, red get the number 6 because of his name. That was obvious. They also wanted to number Ilhoon’s favorite color after his name and gave it the number 1 but Ilhoon didn’t have a favorite color.

So Sungjae started explaining them one by one. 

“This is blue.” He picked up the blue pencil. “It’s actually light, the other one,” he picked up the other blue pencil, “is dark. Blue is the color of-”

“Sky,” Ilhoon said it instead of him.

“Yes, it’s the color of the sky, but also people tend to color the water with blue. But when it’s dirty it’s more like brown, I think?” He looked for the brown and the grey pencils and picked them up one by one. “This is brown and this is grey.” 

“Okay, that’ll be too many for one,” Ilhoon said, confused. “I know grey. It’s between white and black. I can see it.”

“Yeah, that’s right, sorry.” He put the grey pencil back.

“No, it’s okay.” He shook his head. “I always thought that even if I can see it, it’s not the same as you see it. I mean, it’s more alive in your eyes than in mine. Everything is so dull in my world.”

“I’m sorry.” Sungjae placed one hand on Ilhoon’s hand. “I’ll try to describe them as living as I can, okay?”

“Sungjae,” he said, hesitantly. “Thank you. Really. You’re the first person who actually wanted to show me and not just tell their names like I can see the difference between two shoes’ color. It was always just “It’s blue, this cough is brown, that towel is green”, and yeah, I’m thankful when people try to help me but only telling the names doesn’t help, you know?”

“I’m glad I can help you.” Sungjae smiled and for a second, Ilhoon’s world became colorful again.

“So, let’s start with blue,” Ilhoon said, blushing.

“Yes, so blue.” He showed the two pencils. For Ilhoon, one of them was a darker grey than the other. “Blue is cold. It’s the opposite if red. It’s like swimming in cool water. It’s also relaxing. Like watching the blue sky in summer and not doing anything.”

“So red was passionate, energetic, hot and blue is cold, relaxing,” Ilhoon said, taking notes in his head. 

Sungjae nodded. “The smell of blue is, hm…” Sungjae tried to think of a perfect simile. “Well, it would be either nothing or maybe the beach?”

“I see.”

“I really don’t know what to say about blue,” he confessed. “I always said blue is my favorite color, but when you asked me, I just couldn’t say it. It never was my favorite color. And the more I think about it, the more I dislike it.”

Ilhoon raised an eyebrow. “Really? Please, tell me how you feel about certain colors. I want to know.”

“Okay. So, for me, blue is wide and far and it makes me feel kind of lonely and sad. Especially the light one. The sky is so wide and when you see the ocean, the other shore is so far from you, it makes you feel uncertain. There is also, at least for me, a longing in it. Like, you look up at the sky and think about someone you lost and you long for them. Or you look at the ocean, far away from your loved one, and it’s just sad and lonely.”

Ilhoon started smiling at this. Sungjae was so honest and the way he talked and his look on his face made Ilhoon almost see blue. Or not just almost. He might couldn’t see it, but listening to Sungjae, he could feel it.  
“Dark blue is much warmer, for me, of course. It gives off dangerous and mysterious vibes but despite this, it feels warmer, “ he added and changed the pencils in his hand. “It’s brown. Brown is the bark of the tree. It’s also the color of-”

“Poop.”

“I wanted to say soil, but poop also works,” Sungjae laughed. “It’s, okay, I’m gonna add some personal comments to the describing. So, for me, when I hear the world home, the colors I think of are brown, blue, and maybe orange or something dark yellow.”

Sungjae’s hand was still on Ilhoon’s and now Ilhoon took this opportunity and linked their fingers together. He wanted to give a color to this feeling. Sungjae didn’t pull his hand back, just stared at it for a minute. 

“Brown and green are nature. Brown is warmth, stability, like the tree trunk. Chocolate is brown. It’s sweet and if we’re thinking about hot chocolate, it’s warm. It can also burn your tongue, but it isn’t the same as red. Brown is hot in a warm and secure way, red is hot in a more intense way. These tables and chair we’re sitting on are brown.”

Ilhoon sighed. He could have listened to him forever without getting tired of him. 

“The next is grey. You said your grey isn’t like mine. Yours is dull, mint is more alive. My grey might be alive, but it’s still dull. Grey is the storm. Metal is grey. It’s cold and hard. But if the sun shines, it can be hot. Grey doesn’t feel alive at all.”

Ilhoon took the grey pencil out of Sungjae’s hand and gave him a new one. Yellow.

“Yellow is the sun. It’s bright and somehow happy? I have a yellow hoodie and when I wear it, I feel happier,” he laughed. “Yellow is warm but when the color is too bright and vibrating, it bothers your eyes. The light of the lamp is yellow. When the sunlight touches your skin, it’s yellow. It’s warm and the weather is good. And most people are happier when the weather is good.” Sungjae stopped and looked at their hands again. “The sunflower is yellow. Yellow, brown and green, more exactly. The petals are yellow, that middle part, sorry, I don’t know its name, is brown and the stem and leaves are green.” His eyes wandered from their hand to Ilhoon’s face. “Lemon is yellow. So is a banana.”

“Okay, but then is yellow sour or sweet?” Ilhoon asked.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure. Both? More sweet than sour, I think. But I might be wrong.” He stroked Ilhoon’s hand with his thumb. It was gentle. Ilhoon wanted to know its color. 

“The next?” Ilhoon changed the pencils in Sungjae’s hand. 

“Green.”

“Great! Now I’ll know the third color of my favorite flower.”

Sungjae chuckled. “Green is nature. Like, that’s the first thing that comes to my mind when I hear green. Green is the color of leaves, but only in spring and summer. They change colors when autumn comes and they fall down before winter.”

“It’s sad.”

“It is,” Sungjae nods. “But, and this is my personal comment again, for me, the colors of autumn leaves are warmer than green. It’s various shades of red, yellow, brown, orange and some other colors. But we’re talking about green now. Green is the color of grass. And lettuce. Green isn’t sweet, it’s more bitter, I think?” He looked around. “Green reminds me of fresh vegetables, even if it’s color isn’t green. Green smells fresh. Okay, green is just fresh.”

Ilhoon let out a chuckle. “And this?” He gave another color to Sungjae.

“This is green, too. This one is lighter than the other.”

“Oh, really?” Ilhoon changed the pencil immediately. “Then what about this?” he asked and handed another pencil to him.

“Purple.”

“That’s my mom’s favorite color,” Ilhoon said, examining the pencil. It hadn’t any color in his eyes. 

“Purple is warm? It’s a mix of red and blue. It’s like pink’s sibling.”

“Pink’s sibling?” Ilhoon frowned and noticed that there was still one pencil left outside black. He knew black too well, he didn’t want to hear about it again.

“Yes? Also, lavender is purple, just as a lilac flower. It’s calming and I don’t know, somehow has a sense of royalty, or maybe it’s just me, I don’t know. I think that’s all I can say about purple.”

“That’s enough,” Ilhoon smiled gratefully. “Thank you so much, Sungjae.”

Sungjae stroked Ilhoon’s hand again with his thumb. It was soft and gentle and made Ilhoon feel things he hadn’t felt before. 

“The next-” Sungjae started speaking.

“The last. I know black.”

“Yeah, okay. So the last color is pink. Pink is, well, it depends on its shade. I personally hate if it's vibrating. It bothers my eyes and I don’t know, I just don’t like it. But I do like its lighter and softer version. Like, pastel pink.” He looked at himself. “Like this hoodie. It’s pink. But it’s soft and calm and warm. Pink is delicate. It’s sweet and reminds me of cotton candy. It also reminds me of the sky when the sun goes down. When it’s only purple and pink and red and blue. It makes me feel nostalgia.” He gulped. He was afraid he talked about his own opinions too much. “It represents love. But not in the same way as red. Red is passionate. It’s more aggressive. It’s like hot sex.”

“I’ve never had sex,” Ilhoon said, rolling his eyes. 

“Me neither. But this is not important now. While red is passionate love, pink is more delicate and gentle. If red is hot sex, pink is hand-holding.” 

Ilhoon gasped. He looked at their hands. That was pink. 

“Soft, it’s physically weaker than red. I’d say pink is purer than red if we’re talking about love. Red is all about sensuality and seductiveness while when I think about pink, it’s pure and it’s more about feelings and I don’t know how to express myself well. Pink is soft. This soft.” He reached his hand so Ilhoon could touch it and feel it himself. 

Ilhoon touched it hesitantly. The hoodie was soft. “Pink is healthy and delicate,” Ilhoon said, looking deep into Sungjae’s eyes. Pink is how I feel now, he thought to himself. 

“It’s warm and fluffy. It’s like a childhood crush.” Ilhoon opened his mouth but Sungjae was faster. “I know you had.”

“Yes, but when I think back, it’s not pink. It’s blue and yellow.”

“Really?”

“Based on what you said, pink feels more like unconditional love,” Ilhoon said, pulling his hand away. Sungjae’s fingers twitched. “Pink… Pink is a mix of your world and mine.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your world is alive, it’s vibrant, passionate. Red is your favorite color. My world is white and black. And because I only know these two, my favorite color is white. Black scares me. Pink is a mix of red and white,” he explained. “Pink is how I feel now. Pink is how I felt when you first approached me and gave me those colored pencils. Pink is caring and gives me hope. It protects me, warms me up and covers me with its softness.”

Sungjae blushed. “You explain colors better than me,” he tried to joke but couldn’t laugh. “I feel it, too. Pink. Pink is how I feel next to you.”

Ilhoon smiled. They talked some more about childhood memories, future plans, avoiding the topic colors and the color pink. Sungjae took Ilhoon home again and said goodbye, Ilhoon’s hand in the doorknob just like last time.

But before he could have opened the door, Sungjae kissed him. It was a small peck on his lip, nothing more nothing less. 

“That was pink,” Sungjae whispered. “And that’s,” he kissed Ilhoon more passionately now, “red.”

Ilhoon laughed. “Thank you for showing me.”

“We talked about many colors today but I hope you still want me to show more.”

“I want it,” Ilhoon nodded reassuringly and gave a pink kiss to Sungjae before he went into the house.

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: 6vanillakiss


End file.
